(Editor’s note: I saw that one of our writers, Craig Jenkins, was going to live-tweet the Grammy Awards so I figured why not have him blog about it here? He will be updating it frequently so keep it locked here! P.S. This is for fun so relax.)
11:33 p.m. Thanks for laughing along with the spectacle that was this year’s Grammy Awards. As usual, they got almost everything wrong but Album of the Year (and Best New Artist. Congrats, Esperanza.) Mick Jagger made everyone look like amateurs, and Janelle Monae made the slut-pop elite look like the talentless hacks they are. Arcade Fire officially jumped the shark, and indie rock officially died. Hip hop got snubbed hard (what else is new?), and country still proved itself to be the music of most of the nation. Lady Gaga still sucks. That is all. Good night, and good luck. We out.
11:24 p.m. So not only did Arcade Fire win top honors, but they’re doing an encore of “Ready to Start” to close the show? There is hope for the Recording Academy yet…
11:22 p.m. Arcade Fire wins Album of the Year. One of about four smart decisions this evening.
11:12 p.m. Arcade Fire looking to inject some life into this show in the 9th inning. Too bad they did the most ANNOYING SONG ON THE SUBURBS. Sorry, I just hate “Month of May”.
10:59 p.m. The last thing this show needed was more Rihanna singing.
10:54 p.m. Another Grammy award ceremony, another Roots snub. Congrats to Marshall for taking home his umpteenth gilded gramophone.
10:51 p.m. Minaj is still rocking her bride of Frankenstein get-up. Kill me now.
10:49 p.m. The moment we have feared is here. Barbara Streisand is performing. I’m sitting through this because of you, readers. Don’t never say I didn’t do nothi’n for y’all. I’ll be like “Remember when I live blogged that Barbara Stresiand performance? I didn’t have to do that.”
10:41 p.m. As far as I’m concerned, this show is over after Jagger’s performance. Everything else that happens is overtime. Nothing is going to top that.
10:36 p.m. Even in his old age, Mick Jagger is still an electric performer. His Solomon Burke tribute is one of the best performances of the night. These new jacks need to go back to school.
10:33 p.m. Damn a lot of good musicians died this year. Now pouring out imaginary 40.
10:29 p.m. Time for the agonizingly over-long speech from the Academy bro who always quadruple overstays his welcome.
10:24 p.m. Alicia Keys jumping on that Beats bandwagon? Guess SOMEBODY’S gotta help with Swizzy’s unpaid back taxes, eh?
10:22 p.m. In the upset of the century, Esperanza Spalding beat out freaking JUSTIN BIEBER and DRAKE to win Best New Artist. SICK!
10:17 p.m. Am I the only one that feels like “I Need a Doctor” is a Recovery b-side masquerading as the new Dr. Dre single?
10:15 p.m. “Love the Way You Lie” is probably the most popular song about domestic abuse/murder in the history of pop music.
10:12 p.m. Shouts out to Seth Rogen for making that Miley Cyrus drug joke.
10:07 p.m. Shouts out to whoever nominated Esperanda Spalding for Best New Artist.
10:05 p.m. Cee-Lo’s “Fuck You” is being referred to as “(The Song Otherwise Known As ‘Forget You’)” tonight. Weird. Defiant, even.
10:02 p.m. I can get with this bluegrass cover of Dolly Parton’s “Jolene”. Where has Norah Jones been all year?
9:58 p.m. Katy Perry — excuse me. Mrs. Russell Brand (yuck) — is ripping off Pink’s flying trapeze act with half the vocal talent and intrigue, and none of the sexy.
9:51 p.m. Dear Gwyneth Paltrow, fucking Chris Martin does not make you a musician.
9:47 p.m. I tried to hate this Cee-Lo performance. But as soon as the lights went up on the muppets and his… plumage, I just had to laugh.
9:41 p.m. I still don’t know what the hell a “Lady Antebellum” is.
9:31 p.m. I love and respect Bob Dylan, and that is not him. Get thee behind me, Cookie Monster.
9:28 p.m. Shouts out to the headbanging keyboard guy in Mumford and Sons.
9:22 p.m. So Gaga IS in character as early 90s Madonna this evening.
9:14 p.m. Muse over Pearl Jam, Neil Young, Tom Petty, and Jeff Beck? FUCK SCHOOL.
9:12 p.m. Shouts out to Captain Kirk of the Starship Enterprise for lending Usher his uniform for the night.
9:10 p.m. Jaden Smith raps too? Two Will Smiths was enough. Shit.
9:08 p.m. “Never Say Never” up in here. I know all y’all got your tickets pre-ordered already. The real question is: regular or 3D?
9:08 p.m. Can we have Justin Bieber skip the teenybopper bullshit, pull a Timberlake, and make surprisingly good R&B music that we’re all embarrassed to say we like already? This “baby baby oh” crap is getting played out.
9:05 p.m. Did Eva Longoria just describe Bieber & Usher’s friendship as “a beautiful relationship?” “Hi, I’m Chris Hansen…”
8:56 p.m. Shouts out to Janelle Monae for singing AND dancing while crowd surfing. That girl is the real deal. Best performance of the night so far.
8:53 p.m. Anyone else checking Bruno’s nose for powdery residue? Too soon?
8:50 p.m. Forcing us to sit through Bruno Mars and B.o.B to see Janelle Monae is a cruel trick.
8:43 p.m. As much as that Muse song sucked, the performance was still more visually appealing than whatever it is that Lady Gaga did earlier.
8:41 p.m. Muse seems hellbent on riding the whole Radiohead for jocks shtick all the way to the bank. Good luck with that.
8:27 p.m. What was with that hat, by the way?
8:25 p.m. “Born This Way” still sounds like the entire ’90s Madonna discography mashed up into one song, message of gay empowerment or no. When will this girl get her own style?
8:23 p.m. Time for Lady Gaga to re-enact one of my favorite movies. I’m talking about Alien.
8:21 p.m. Train wins the first award of the night for “Hey, Soul Sister,” AKA the most insipid song of 2010. FUCK SCHOOL.
8:08 p.m. This Aretha tribute has got its heart in the right place, but let’s be honest: I’d rather watch slow motion footage of 2011 Aretha chomping down on a rack of bbq spare ribs than sit through another minute of this.
8:03 p.m. Christina Aguilera cannot get through a single day without overemoting. I want to puke.
8:00 p.m. Nice to see Aretha get the dedication treatment while she still walks among the living.
7:45 p.m. WHO INVITED TYRESE?
7:41 p.m. Aaaand Rihanna turns up decked out in nothing but white tinsel looking like a sexy Christmas tree.
7:34 p.m. (From Craig) This just in: Drake still looks like Howard the Duck in the face.
7:20 p.m. (From Andrew) And Danger Mouse wins Producer of the Year? Not mad at that.
6:39 p.m.: (From Andrew) The Roots and John Legend have won two awards, best R&B Song (“Shine”) and best R&B album (Wake Up!). Now the Roots better win an award for How I Got Over or someone gets punched in the throat.
5:43 p.m.: (From Andrew) Goddamnit, Lady Gaga. I don’t even know what to think about this anymore. An egg? I guess she’s progressing from wearing meat to being inside an egg? I don’t get it. But somewhere deep down, I secretly love it. [Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images]
5:33 p.m.: Y’all aren’t ready.