David Guetta Is The Worst

You know who’s the worst? David Guetta. David fucking Guetta, aka the French DJ/”producer” who churns out the same Eurotrash drivel song after song and has dominated the U.S. airwaves for the past few years. Dude has worked with a plethora of shitty/actually good pop artists across the globe, from some terrible female singer named “Cathy” — really creative there — to Nicki Minaj.

No, fuck you because you’re the worst. For starters, I think Guetta’s performance at this year’s Grammy Awards was one of the dumbest things I’ve ever witnessed. I give Deadmau5 props for taking the stage because, well, dude’s actually created some solid music from time to time. But this performance? Sigh.

Look, I get it. Shitty music will always be around because, generally speaking, a majority of people just want to listen to brainless shit. And that’s totally fine and, honestly, I’m guilty of it, too. You can find me blaring Waka Flocka Flame from my speakers and acting like a goon — it’s awkward, promise — but when it comes to Guetta, I just fucking hate everything.

Exhibit A:

Why did I choose this song? Simple: it is probably Guetta’s biggest song to date, unless you count that song he did with Usher. Nicki Minaj performed “Turn Me On” at NBA All-Star Weekend, the travesty that is the American Music Awards, and at New Year’s Rockin’ Eve, whatever the fuck that is. Oh, and do I have to mention that this track is 100 percent complete ass. No, not A$$, but pure unadulterated doo-doo butter. AND, more importantly, it sounds exactly the same as every other single he’s released.

But here’s one of the biggest things I have against Guetta: Not even Drake will work with you, mang. Seriously, just read the following quote from an interview he did with NME:

“For me, the David Guetta stuff just doesn’t work,” Drake said. “I don’t really wanna go there. There’s other artists, that’s their sound.

”They feel in order to thrive internationally that they gotta do straightforward, four on the flour, David Guetta, Pitbull music.

”For me, I’d rather go to somebody like Jamie xx and tell him, ‘Look, I really wanna turn the club upside down, but I wanna do it with integrity, with soul.”

Now, I’m a Drizzy fan and, as a result, apologist. But come on, it says a lot when he’s willing to rock with pretty much everyone but Guetta, right? Right.

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