It’s 1967, and the Beatles have just released their magnum opus Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. You race home from the record store with a copy in hand, slit the packaging, toss on the vinyl, and you hear John Lennon’s voice in stereo shouting, “It’s the motherfuckin’ Beatles! We in the building!” The band launches into the album’s searing title track.
Hit the skip to continue reading.Fast forward to 1971. You just made it through the titanic, thunderous sounds of Led Zeppelin’s masterful fourth album. John Bonham’s pulsating beat for “When the Levee Breaks” peters out, and Jimmy Page’s bluesy slide guitar lead gives way to silence. Robert Plant comes back to thank you for your purchase and your continued support of his band.
Jump to 1973. You’re listening to Exile on Main St., arguably the Stones’ finest hour. You finish up the album’s mind-blowing first side. The soulful sounds of “Tumbling Dice” fade out, and you flip the record. A hyena-like sound pierces the silence. It’s Mick and Keith, probably stoned or worse, laughing their asses off telling jokes and clowning around before they unexpectedly break into the rustic, genteel “Sweet Virginia”.
That shit would sound fucking ridiculous, right? Why do hip hop artists clutter their albums with this kinda shit? These tracks are rarely worth listening to more than once, and they murder the flow of the album. Go get Big Boi’s Sir Lucious Left Foot. Turn on “Be Still”, the Janelle Monae assisted gem in the album’s mid-section. Why the fuck does the track start with a teabagging joke? It has no business coming right after the somewhat serious and soulful “Hustle Blood”. Why is it there? Get out Biggie’s Ready to Die. Put on track 8. Why does this exist?
Rap albums perpetrate these head scratching excursions into bad comedy every day. Somebody needs to stand up and let these cats know they’re fucking up. I’ll be the one. Rappers, kill the intros, outros, skits, interludes, etc. We don’t wanna hear that weak shit no more. Stop wasting studio time and album space on tracks we never listen to again after the first playthrough. Save us the trouble and keep the amateur comedy off record. PLEASE.
PS. For the record, I do not hate all skits, interludes, intros, and outros. Off the top, here’s a list of the ones I actually listen to. I’m probably forgetting something. Even so, 95 percent of all skits can kick rocks with no socks. Anything that detracts from or upsets the flow of an album is filler. Anyways, here’s that list in no particular order.
Tanya Morgan’s “Hardcore Gentleman” off Brooklynati
Anything on the first two De La Soul albums
Outkast’s “Kim & Cookie” off Stankonia
Anything off 36 Chambers
Little Brother’s “Diary of a Mad Black Daddy” off The Minstrel Show
Anything off Madvillainy
And last, but not least, any intro where the rapper stops fucking around and just raps.